Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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