Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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