there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
my sisters under your porch take her home
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
