dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
