God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
