Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
