Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
