The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Randomize
