I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
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I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
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As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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