I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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