She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
And then he peed in my hair
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