Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
