I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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