This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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