Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
