Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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