ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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