Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
