I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
