You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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