Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
just come out here and I will go home with you...
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
