drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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