And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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