Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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