that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
