Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
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