just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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