Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Randomize
