drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
