I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Randomize
