My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize