so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
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