i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
