My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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