Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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