I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Randomize
