He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
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