Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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