how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
