You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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