I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Randomize
