Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Randomize
