Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
