didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
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