Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
No subtext here. People are naked.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
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