so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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