you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
