You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
