I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Panties = found
Randomize
