You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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