My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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