Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
