Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
