apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
