Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I love you.
Bad choice
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
