2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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