every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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