She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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