I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
