her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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