There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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