I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
