whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
